Thursday, May 31, 2012

HOW WILL OUR STARSHIPS NAVIGATE IN DEEP SPACE ?


How will our starships navigate in deep space?

When explorers started going around the Earth, they used the stars to find their way around. While the oceans and plains stretched out indefinitely, the stars were dependable guides. But when we travel into deep space, what will we use to find our way?
What will be the lighthouse that our future starships use to navigate?
One of the biggest challenges in space travel is the fact that, after people have traveled, they presumably want to come back again. Both Russia and the United States briefly entertained visions of winning the space race by dropping astronauts off on the Moon and having them bide their time there until their respective homelands could find a way to get them back. Similarly, some people have floated plans to colonize the Moon and Mars by shipping people one way. At least, though, the Moon and Mars are often in visual range of Earth. If people need to get back they can at least point the way. There's no such luck for eventual travelers in deep space. When the universe is spread out in three dimensions around us, and each part looks just about like every other part, how will future starships find their way?
The X Factors
The Milky Way galaxy is one hundred thousand light years across and a thousand light years thick. It has two hundred billion stars, some within its plane, and some around it. Outside the Milky Way are another, roughly, 8500 galaxies observable from Earth, but in a single image from the Hubble Ultra Deep Field, astronomers think that there are another 10,000. This adds up to hundreds of billions of galaxies in the Universe, meaning that it's hard to find consistent observable landmarks. In space, no one can remember where they parked.
How will our starships navigate in deep space?

Even if a space ship managed to leave a trail of breadcrumb galaxies on its way to wherever it was going, it's not necessarily going to get home again. Breadcrumbs don't move. Galaxies do. And so does home. Space agencies are used to moving targets, but as starships venture out farther, they have to navigate based on more and more moving points. One unexpected shift in gravity affecting a galaxy that was once a marker, and no one gets home again.
And while some people pin their hopes on wormholes, they'd have to be pretty specific. Put a spaceship down even slightly off course and the entire lay of the universe looks different. The parallax effect, the fact that objects in the foreground will shift compared to their background when looked at from a different position — similar to the way near objects jump back and forth when you look at them through first one eye and then the other — would make billions of stars shift in relations to billions of other stars.
Building on the Current Network
How will our starships navigate in deep space?

Since we already have a lot of stuff whizzing around space, there are existing navigational and control systems. Currently there is an International Deep Space Network, with three massive antennas placed on three different places on Earth, each roughly one hundred and twenty degrees from each other, checking position on various space craft. The antennas are in the Mojave desert, in the United States, just outside of Madrid in Spain, and outside of Canberra, Australia.
There are European, Indian, and Chinese Deep Space Networks as well, and they all take advantage of one of the few easy things about space: it's easy to make signals omnidirectional. Three stations on Earth are all that you need — get thirty thousand kilometers away from Earth, and you're always in view of an antenna. Place an antenna in space, and let it send out radio signals in all directions, and you've got a beacon that shines everywhere.
Of course, as explorers get farther and farther out they'd need a longer and longer chain of beacons sending out signals that can lead them home. And assuming that each of these beacons is dependent on signals from the last to keep from straying off course, then if there's even one break in the chain, the entire system could go down. If one antenna on Earth went down, we might lose one third of the starships out there.
Even if everything works perfectly, there's an error of four kilometers for every astronomical unit traveled from Earth. An astronomical unit is the distance from the Earth to the sun — a tiny unit in the grand scheme of things. Although four kilometers is even tinier, a chain of mistakes could add up. This has caused some people to look for more natural landmarks, that will continue under their own power.
Pulsars as Natural Signals
How will our starships navigate in deep space?


Pulsars are stars that have collapsed in on themselves in a specific way, which could turn out to be very handy.
The Earth's electromagnetic field is oriented from pole to pole. The Earth also spins around an axis that goes from pole to pole. Although the two are not exactly lined up, the rotation of the Earth doesn't involve a dramatic rotation of the Earth's electromagnetic field. It's like spinning a cylindrical bar magnet around its central axis. As it spun, any magnets around it wouldn't feel a huge change in the magnetic pull on them.
Pulsars, however, are stars whose magnetic poles and axes of rotation don't match up at all. They are more like a cylindrical bar magnet being twirled like a baton. Any other magnets around a pulsar would feel a strong variation in its pull as it was spun around. This causes pulsars to emit strong, regular beams of radiation.
Some pulsars measure their rotation in milliseconds, and with the accuracy of atomic clocks. If a pulsar's pulse sweeps past Earth at a specific time, and then sweeps past a space craft at another, it's possible to determine where the two are in relation to each other. This is a plan that has been proposed as a back-up system for space craft going to Mars, but there are a lot of pulsars out there, and their exact periods could help interstellar travelers figure out their position compared to other known natural objects. It's true that eventually even the best pulsars will wind down, but they're far more shock-proof than the average space craft carrying a human made beacon.
Interstellar travel will never be easy, but getting a good map would be a start.

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

AFTER DARK 33B


Posted: 17 May 2012 08:00 PM PDT
What is Movie News After Dark? Tonight, it’s hanging on by a thread, as we enter Day Four of Dear Leader Neil Miller’s Mental Health Break Staycation. While he’s off eating the finest BBQ that FSR’s hometown of Austin, Texas has to offer and Instagraming all the way, the rest of us are slaving over our keyboards and monitors to bring you the best content we possibly can. Of course, for tonight’s round of MNAD, that includes kitty GIFs, Battleship love letters, and something about the world’s most green soda missing the boat on a marketing opportunity and saddling up with the wrong superhero (to super-sad effect). It’s Movie News After Dark! And, man, is it tired.
I won’t bury the lede here, folks, some people love Peter Berg‘s Battleship. Our Cole Abaius is not one of them. But guess who is! Huffington Post’s Mike Ryan! The scribbler has penned a love letter to the film, and while I can’t quite agree with the sentiment, he brings up some interesting and articulate points. And, as Ryan is both a friend and a colleague, I can assure you – he’s not joking and he’s not trolling.
In case you’re not yet aware, I am a woman. The only woman on FSR’s editorial staff, actually, and that means that when I’m in charge (or at least under the delusion of being in charge), you fine readers get cat GIFs. Whoa, whoa! Not just any cat GIFs! Catvengers GIFs. You heard me. Check out Captain Ameowrica, Iron Mew, Nick Furry, Agent Phil Pawson, and everyone’s favorite, Lokitty over Keyyu’s charming Tumblr.Mewssemble!
Friend o’ FSR, the esteemed William B. Goss, has assembled his list of summer indie movies he already loves over at the Orlando Weekly. There’s some great stuff here, and proof positive that Goss’s first trip to Sundance was a wise one, as a number of his picks debuted in Park City this past January.
Oh, my God, someone was dumb enough to pay for critics Eric D. Snider and Jeff Bayer to go to the Cannes Film Festival! AHAHAHAH–wait. I helped pay for that. Check out the boys’ first podcast and second podcast (bonus baguette-eating!) from France to see just how things are going so far.
Instagram is cool. Proof positive? My two favorite Instagram accounts. First up, actor/director/writer/stuntperson/all-around cool guy Nash Edgerton is currently using his to send out rad pictures of movie magic stunts he’s working on. Follow him on Instagram with the user name “NashEdgerton” (uh, duh). Second pick? The Film Stage’s own Raffi Asdourian – a fine fellow and one of the brave souls who bunks with me and Loring at the Sundance Condo of Broken Dreams every year. Asdourian is always Insta-ing cool photos, but he really steps it up when he’s at Cannes. He is also reportedly “partying like a mofo.” Air horn air horn! Follow him with user name “Zaffi.” You will not be disappointed.
Sundance hit Beasts of the Southern Wild has a brand new website, “Welcome to the Bathtub,” and it’s a gorgeous look at the stunning world that director Benh Zeitlin created with his film. There’s also real-time Twitter updating, fun facts about the Bathtub, and more information about the film.
Over at Movies.com, they ask “Is This the Saddest Dark Knight Rises Promotional Display Ever?” And, boy, is it. Jeez. I mean, wow. My heart hurts. Apparently Mountain Dew is continuing to promote the new film by way of a tasty new flavor and some sort of online community called “DEWGothamCity.com” that gives fans points or whatever for buying Dew stuff. I dunno, I stopped reading when I got sad. If you’re going to support this (like, seriously, why didn’t they stump for The Hulk? Duh?), why not just check out the Dew-sponsored Tumbler Tour instead?
petition up over at Change.org led by Women and Hollywood calls for more female directors to be represented at Cannes and beyond. They note that, “for the 2012 edition, as with the 2010 edition, there are NO FEMALE DIRECTED FILMS in competition, and in the 64 years of the Festival only one woman — Jane Campion — has been awarded the Palme D’Or.” They also include a note from festival director Thierry Fremaux, who said, “I select work on the basis of it actual qualities. We would never agree to select a film that doesn’t deserve it on the basis it was made by a woman…There is no doubt that greater space needs to be given to women within cinema. But it’s not at Cannes and in the month of May that this question needs to be raised, but rather all year and everywhere.” I agree with Fremaux – I am much more interested in worthy films getting recognition, whether they’re directed by a man, a woman, or even a dog, but it’s still a petition worth a look and some serious thought no matter what time of year it is.
I am still really, really on the fence about Steven Soderbergh‘s Magic Mike, but “Entertainment Weekly” has posted a video from their cover shoot with stars Channing Tatum, Matthew McConaughey, Joe Manganiello, and Matt Bomer, along with a look at both covers from the May 25 issue of the mag. And, oh my, it’s getting, ooh, yes, quite steamy in here. Who am I kidding? I hated that first trailer.
Depending on where you live, you may have already caught Community’s season finale tonight on NBC (starting at 8PM, followed by two more episodes at both 9PM and 9:30PM), but this look at the characters in 8-bit format is too precious to not share. Looks like we’ll be seeing the gang as video game characters, and THR has our first look at them. Ah! How cute is Annie’s side ponytail? And Britta’s little wench get-up! Even crotchety old Pierce looks adorable.
Here’s a very cool teaser poster from Gerard Lough‘s upcoming short Ninety Seconds. The future-set film focuses on a world where surveillance is all the rage, and people who are good at it get great gigs watching others. But when one of these “techs” take on what sounds like a routine job, everything goes belly-up and it looks like the tables are turned.
A little bit of FSR business here, as our giveaway for two tickets to see Dallas Hallam and Patrick Horvath‘s Entrance at the Downtown Independent tomorrow night (with a Q&A moderated by Ti West afterwards) is now closed. The winner is “turboblip,” who I think the Good Ship IFC Midnight has already emailed. Congrats!
To wrap up this evening, another call for you to support Julia Marchese‘s documentary about the New Beverly Cinema. Luke featured the doc’s Kickstarter page in last night’s MNAD, but with just six days left to fund Out of Print, the project definitely deserves another push.

JUNKFOOD CINEMA 27A



Junkfood Cinema - Large
Welcome back to Junkfood Cinema; we’re always a hit…with elderly mimes and people whose favorite band is The Jerky Boys. This is the Internet’s best place to wait around for articles on the sites you like to load – sort of a cyberspace truckstop. And like a truckstop, we celebrate things that most people cast off as “trivial” or “base” or “seriously detrimental to one’s memory and critical thinking skills.” We are too! Wait, what was I saying? Anyway, this week we’ve had the very rare privilege of stumbling across a little gem of a rotten turd that will be playing a limited engagement of roughly ten shows a day in every single theater across the country. The arthouse maestro Peter Berg has taken the board game Battleship, that wonderful tool for teaching children all the necessary tenets of blind, desperate warfare, and extrapolated its meager mechanics into a two-hour cinematic testament to the struggle between Hollywood and your brain.
Incomprehensibly bad as Battleship may be (read: totally is), I couldn’t help but wonder if the “plot” on the screen wasn’t merely a smoke screen for something that, like the invading alien ships, lurked just below the surface. So I gathered all the best minds in the Junkfood Cinema war room, which may or may not be my pet name for the corner booth at my local TGI Friday’s, and formulated some theories on just what the hell was going on here. My hope was to come up with a hypothetical scenario in which Battleship is far more palatable. A few hours later, with the help of my perky, suspender-clad troops and a pyramid of fried mac & cheese pucks, this is what I came up with…

Peter Berg Is Engaged In A Brewster’s Millions Situation

How we as a society ever claimed to understand economics before the release of Brewster’s Millions is a sticky enigma to me. Actually, my nickname during my brief, spectacularly unsuccessful stint as a luchador was The Sticky Enigma. The premise of this landmark 1985 film is that a baseball player’s rich relative dies and leaves him $300 million dollars, but he only receives that money if he can first spend $30 million in 30 days. Now I know 98.9% of you have already seen this important piece of cinema so that plot synopsis was therefore unncessary, but I thought I would rehash it so as to not alienate those few plebes who haven’t. Don’t worry, unfortunate noobs, El Enigma Pegajosa has your back.
What I’m imaging with Battleship is that Peter Berg’s uncle died and left him $800 million on the condition that he spend $209 million as quickly and irresponsibly as possible. Why else would he create an action movie based on a board game that has all the thrill and excitement of…watching two people play a board game. It’s script is also about as well thought out and fully-realized as the strategy one uses in a game of Battleship; randomly throwing out nonsensical torpedoes, groaning at all the misses, and cheating wherever possible. In the annals of navy war cinema, Battleship falls somewhere between Bore-a! Bore-a! Bore-a! and Run Silent, Run Derp.

A Complex Scheme To Dubstep The World

Who doesn’t love dubstep? It’s the music of the people…if those people are Gobots with Tourette’s Syndrome. There have been plenty of films that have utilized this “musical” “style” to sell their trailers to dopes, but few have had the audacity to make it a part of both the sound design and the visual aesthetic. The enemy soldiers, the ones from planet Skrillex, mange to garble this digital diarrhea wherever they go so apparently it’s their primary form of communication. This would be troubling, and sense-assaulting enough, but then an explosion on one of the Navy ships goes way, way beyond…the necessity for dubstep in cinema…which is to say beyond none. As the fireball rips through a corridor, a few soldiers are tossed into the air; as if that boat just don’t care. After some brief slow-motion posturing, their trajectory toward the screen is suddenly thrust back toward the explosion. This is not unusual for action films, and may even have some basis in physics or some science crap, but then the filmmakers actually spin back the explosion and their trajectory reloads a second time. They are actually trying to dubstep the physical world. It’s like Bassnectar for your already well-quenched brain.

We’re The Aliens

The conceit of Battleship is to sink all the other guy’s ships. The conceit of Battleship…has aliens for some reason. We reach out and touch some planet because, and they go to absurdly great lengths to explain this, it’s proportionally the same distance from its sun as we are from ours. It also has water and can support an atmosphere. Our reward for making contact is that these extra-douchey extraterrestrials travel to Earth and start to blow shit in an upward direction. This raises a troubling question. You may think I mean, “why would you go to all the trouble of explaining that these guys come from a planet as close to its own sun as we are to ours and yet then espouse that their one weakness is sunlight?” While that does hit the movie square in the jaw with the stupid stick, it’s fittingly the plot device equivalent of moving your ships during a game of Battleship when your little brother isn’t looking.
More troubling is, how do we know who the aliens in this movie really are? If there is one group of living organisms in the film that seems totally bereft of understanding of human language, human reason, and authentic human behavior, it’s the humans. The utterance of nearly every line of dialogue lands with the resounding thud of an aircraft carrier anchor and the decision-making skills demonstrated by these characters places them, mentally, squarely one notch below giant kelp. Sure, the “invaders” have enormous hands with the wrong amount of digits, freaky eyes, and sharp protrusions on their chins. But I’m more willing to bet a military alliance was formed between clumsy pyrotechnicians with shellfish allergies and death metal guitarists than I am that these protagonists are from Earth.

It’s An Experiment In Nonviolence

Some movies get flack for the amount of graphic violence they employ. Morality and personal scruples aside, violence often makes a bad movie worth watching. I mean, imagine if slasher films were just about people going camping. We’d then have ample opportunity to get acquainted with the bad performances, the cheap sets, and the cinematography that insults both cinema and tography. Luckily however, we are temporarily distracted by blood and savagery.
Battleship, on the other hand, is graphically nonviolent. It’s a movie that seems to believe it will be brought up on actual murder charges if it kills people on camera. While ships explode and entire cities are ripped apart by flying alien chainsaws, only one person visibly dies on screen. And by visibly, I mean we see his face right before they cut to a wide shot of a torpedo blowing up the ship on which he stood. They bend the laws of reason and science to remove characters from deadly consequences; you explain to me how a rubber raft manages to navigate around a raging sea battle without a scratch. There is even a moment in which alien machinery recognizes it’s about to run down a little kid, and chooses to roll in another direction. Audible groans in the theater. I understand they are restricted by a PG-13 rating, but more people die on Law & Order: SVUthan they do in Battleship! Plus, you could easily edit out the “oh, terribly sorry, didn’t realize you were a child” scene and this Gandhi-like mentality toward action cinema wouldn’t have been as laughably apparent. I mean the trailers use the phrase “global extinction event” to describe the invasion, but unless we’re all going to be annihilated by tickle fights, I’m not feeling that threatened by extinction.

Navy Recruitment Video

It may be best, for the sake of your sanity,  not to think of Battleship as a movie. Sure, it’s book-ended by credits and events transpire on screen, but by the end of the film, you start to get the impression that the Navy commissioned this flickering jokebarge as a recruitment tactic.Battleship paints a picture of a world wherein a brain-damaged, toolish doof-ogre, like the one played by Taylor Kitsch, can turn his life around and become a prominent officer in the Navy without the hassle of getting any smarter or any less tool-y. Not only that, his terminal doofishness is rewarded with both promotion and a walking sex dispenser whose name I can’t recall, but whom I’ve affectionately dubbed BattleTits. Even if you’re a sci-fi nerd and also a complete coward, the movie creates a scenario in which you can be a crew member on a naval destroyer when the Earth is invaded by aliens and yet not have to fight because 90% of the fleet spends the majority of the conflict in a forcefield dome. How can you lose? Kudos by the way, to the writers, for taking the element of this film with the most potential, Liam Neeson, and locking him in a bio-electric playpen for the bulk of the runtime. I guess what I didn’t realize is how drastic the recruitment situation is, as Battleship presents a Navy in which anyone can enlist…even those who already enlisted…seventy years ago. My favorite part of the movie has to be the Armageddon slow-walk comprised of retired, octogenarian badasses. They’ve got the right stuff…they just can’t remember where they put it.

Paving The Way For Michael Bay’s KerPlunk!

Speaking of Armageddon, one of the most significant accomplishments of Battleship is reminding us all of the craft and subtlety of Michael Bay. Berg goes out of his way to not only be hampered by the inherent limitations of adapting a board game into a movie, but also inventing brand new limitations and being hampered by those too. In other words, if only the worst scene in this movie was the one in which they actually stare at a grid and call out coordinates to try and sink ships they can’t see. It’s as if they’re targeting that elusive and all-too-pivotal cartographer demographic. If Berg can make a Battleship movie with peg-shaped missiles, what’s to stop Bay from finally realizing his dream of KerPlunk: The Movie? Two feuding alien kings trap all people, buildings, and vehicles in a floating cylinder high above the ground and must remove the supports at the bottom one at a time in the ultimate destructive contest for domination. Dubious of Bay’s desire to adapt this children’s game? I point you to, um, all of his movies as evidence. Given the amount of cars, tanker trucks, space shuttles, robots, and Rastafarians he routinely throws at the camera, imagine if the sole purpose of his next movie was to drop a giant capsule full of that stuff onto the ground? I suspect that’s how he envisions every new project anyway.
Junkfood Pairing: Chocolate Ship Cookies
What the hell are Chocolate Ship Cookies? Aren’t you just making a convenient pun to fit the theme? Actually no, well yes, but no, and shut up. This week’s snack food pairing is part delicious treat, part disgustingly fun game. What you do is divide a bowl of cookie dough, sans chocolate chips, in two and bake it for half the required time. What you will have are several globs of sticky, pliable goodness. You and your opponent will then arrange your cookie wads on opposite ends of a long table divided in the middle by a wall of books or whatever obscures your cookie arrangements from the other person. You then take turns launching chocolate chips across the wall to see if you can make them stick in your opponents dough balls. The first person to get a chip to stick in each of his enemy’s cookie fetuses is the winner. The loser has to eat all the dough while rocking back and forth, as if on a ship, until he/she throws up. Good hunting!

We sink your Junkfood Cinema

BOILING POINT 42



Boiling Point
With what is being called a massive failure at the box office, pulling in just $25 million domestic dollars (or 12% of its budget), Peter Berg‘sBattleship is sinking, but not before firing a warning shot across the bow of stupid ideas. And by a “warning shot across the bow” I mean a giant, moronic cruise missile.
Battleship wasn’t destined for failure – after all, almost any idea can be made good. If you ignored the title, the idea of a few naval vessels fighting off aliens sounds pretty cool and not altogether stupid.
However, you slap the Hasbro logo in-front of the credits and include a sequence where a missile destroyer blindly fires into the ocean while a captain shouts out “J-11″ and the stupidity quotient rises exponentially.
I’d like to phrase this as a “what did Hollywood learn?” type article, but the problem with the studio system is that they never learn. After all,Transformers and GI Joe both are tied explicitly to the popularity of toys and they made a lot of money, so certainly it is not the idea of toys on the big screen that is bad.
Except that it kind of is. There is a big difference between talking robots, real American heroes, and a board game of pegs. You can probably pick up on it already – two of those feature actual characters that can speak and have emotions, while the out man out features little round plastic pegs and tiny plastic battleships.
Adaptations are well and good. I love the GI Joe franchise and have high hopes for the second movie. I don’t think anyone out there loves a board game to the point where they think “Man, I would live to see this somehow acted out on stage.” Solitaire, Life, Chutes and Ladders, none of these are compelling stories. They’re fun ways to waste time with family and friends, but no one gives a fuck about the Monopoly man – even though he’s at least a person who could emote.
From the start the very notion that Battleship was tied to the board game crippled it. Whether this was Hasbro’s interference or not, we don’t know. Having heard Berg talk at WonderCon, he genuinely loves the Navy and his basic idea of two warring forces clashing sounded good. Just, the problem is, it couldn’t just be the Navy vs Aliens. It also had to be Battleship. It had to have that stupid board game sequence with blind firing into the ocean.
Now, let’s not put all the blame on Hasbro. Berg may have had to include those scenes, but he didn’t have to make a movie that was oozing cheese from every pore that wasn’t already full of an explosion. Hasbo didn’t insist on the Pink Panther theme, nor did they request a flat character performance from Taylor Kitsch, who, right about now, probably has as much sway as Andy Dick.
So beyond the board game adaptation, Battleship still had a lot of failures – but the biggest failure is that no one gave a shit. Clearly. No one went to see it. No one wanted to see a movie based off of a board game that’s been around for decades and has no characters, plot, or story. If there is one thing Hollywood needs to learn is that tie-ins don’t have to be so explicitly tied in. No one wanted a Battleship movie, but they’d buy a Navy vs Aliens Battleship board game, ya dig?
Hasbro could have produced this exact same movie but called it something else and not been ridiculed for it. They could have toned down the board game sequence. They could have made a movie, not a tie-in.
That is the rub. That is what Hollywood must learn from this.
First and foremost, you must make a good movie. Then you can figure out how to sell shit around it. Let’s be completely honest – this was a shitty idea from the start that was the butt of jokes since day one. We all saw this coming. Hollywood should have seen this coming. All it takes is dedication to the craft, not blind dedication to the business. Every stupid secondary sale-motivated movie pushes me past my boiling point. You make a good movie, or TV show, first, and fill it with cool heroes, ninja turtles, dinosaurs, or awesome tanks, and I’ll buy the toys. Just don’t sell me an advertisement for the toys for $16.

Sunday, May 27, 2012

BEYOND 2012 - EVOLVING PERSPECTIVES ON THE NEW AGE

ENLIST

Poster Design

STEAMPUNK 101


Frontpage image for 'Steampunk Photography by Rebeca Saray'
In my opinion, Rebeca Saray a photographer from Madrid is a photographer with a lot of amazing works. A year ago I first came across her works and shared some of her photos with you. Last week I shared her amazing fairytale inspired fashion photos, and today I have a selection with awesome steampunk photos. I really love all her works, they're simply incredible. If you like this as much as I do, be sure to visit her blog, for lots of great works...
Steampunk is a genre which originated during the 1980s and early 1990s and incorporates elements of science fiction, fantasy, alternate history, horror, and speculative fiction. It involves a setting where steam power is widely used—whether in an alternate history such as Victorian era Britain or "Wild West"-era United States, or in a post-apocalyptic time —that incorporates elements of either science fiction or fantasy. Works of steampunk often feature anachronistic technology, or futuristic innovations as Victorians might have envisioned them, based on a Victorian perspective on fashion, culture, architectural style, and art. This technology includes such fictional machines as those found in the works of H. G. Wells and Jules Verne, or the contemporary authors Philip Pullman, Scott Westerfeld and China Mieville.
Steampunk PhotoSteampunk Photo by Rebeca Saray   |   source »
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Friday, May 25, 2012

MAIN ATTRACTION 32



10 Works of Art We Can’t Believe They Got Away With



In the context of our post last week on French yé-yé pop, we touched on France Gall’s “Les Sucettes,” an ostensibly innocent ditty written for her by Serge Gainsbourg, which came stuffed full of allusions to oral sex. The song’s questionable enough, but the video is all kinds of wrong — giant dancing phalluses, nubile teens sucking on very suggestive lollipops, and poor little France Gall, oblivious to it all. We still can’t quite believe Gainsbourg got away with it, but then, he made a career out of getting away with it. Anyway, the whole thing got us thinking about similar works of art with hidden meanings that somehow managed to slip under the radar — history is full of them, and we’ve put together a rather eclectic selection after the jump. We’re sure there must be heaps more, so let us have your suggestions in the comments section.
The Sistine Chapel
Michelangelo’s sublime ceiling to the Sistine Chapel in Rome has been fascinating scholars for centuries, both because of its artistic merit and because of the plentiful hidden messages that the painter appears to have embedded within it. For a start, there’s the theory that the depiction of God reaching out to Adam doubles as a cross-section of the human brain. Even better, though, is the depiction of the prophet Zechariah, to whom Michelangelo gave the face of the Pope of the time, Julius II. The thing is, however, that the angelic cherub behind the prophet is making a rude gesture at him — and thus, by insinuation, insulting the pope. Clearly, doing such a thing in the 16th century wasn’t good for your long-term health, which is probably why Michelangelo made the gesture so subtle. And he got away with it. Nicely done.

“Ebeneezer Goode”
From the sublime to the ridiculous, eh? There’s a long and proud history of songs managing to bypass censorship because those in authority simply didn’t understand them, but even so, we can’t believe that no one picked up on the not-so-hidden subtext of this 1992 UK chart-topper by Scots trio The Shamen. The verse’s lyrics about a cheerful fellow who livens up the party were amusing enough, but the chorus — ”E’s are good! E’s are good!” — made it pretty clear that this song was a paean to the joys of taking ecstasy. Eventually, of course, the British tabloids picked up on the song’s meaning and worked themselves into their usual state of righteous outrage, forcing the single to be withdrawn — but by then, the song had hit #1 and The Shamen were laughing all the way to the bank. Naughty, naughty, very naughty.
“Walk on the Wild Side”
In a similar vein, here’s Lou Reed’s one and only chart hit. Despite being pretty frank in its depiction of transsexual hookers in New York, the song — as popular legend has it, anyway — sailed happily past censors and conservative radio station managers alike, mainly because none of them knew what “giving head” actually meant.

Goldfinger
I mean, come on.

Image via
The Little Mermaid
The story goes that the artist who worked on this notorious poster was about to be fired and, ahem, slipped in the decidedly suggestive spire as a way of pissing in the punch on his way out of the party. Sadly, according to Snopes, this is not true — but either way, we can’t believe that no one at Disney noticed the Little Mermaid was sitting in front of a large golden penis. It took someone at a church group to point it out, apparently — a fact about which you are welcome to draw your own conclusions.
The Massa Marittima mural
While we’re on unexpected phalli, let’s have a look at the mural that adorns the 13th-century cathedral in the small Tuscan town of Massa Marittima. The tree depicted is notable because, well, it’s covered in cocks. You’d probably miss them unless you looked closely, but once you see them, you most definitely can’t un-see them. Quite why they’re there, no one really knows, although there are some interesting theories here and here.
Brass Eye, generally
Chris Morris’ masterwork Brass Eye was all kinds of genius, pulling absolutely no punches in its satirical depiction of the British media’s depiction of “issues” like drugs, crime, pedophilia (the last of which memorably led the Daily Mail to call Morris “the most evil man in Britain”). The roll call of things we can’t believe he got away with is a lengthy one — convincing various celebrities to spout nonsensical PSA messages (like getting Phil Collins to wear a hat with the slogan “I’m Talking Nonce Sense”), getting a question about non-existent drug “cake” into British Parliament, inventing a part of the brain called “Shatner’s bassoon”… Perhaps most memorable of all, however, was the fact that Morris managed to sneak a single frame with the words “GRADE IS A CUNT” into one episode, a reference to Channel 4 controller Michael Grade, who tried to impose edits on Morris’ work. They just don’t make TV like this any more.
The Master and Margarita
Mikhail Bulgakov’s masterpiece is hilarious whichever way you read it, but apparently it’s several orders of magnitude more hilarious if you happen to have lived in the former Soviet Union. By all accounts, Bulgakov’s satire of Stalin’s regime was as razor-sharp as it was subtle, and the Soviet authorities certainly didn’t see the funny side — 12% of the book was removed on its first publication, but this apparently didn’t make the satire any less effective. It took until 1973 for the full version to be published, by which point the book was already being (rightly) hailed as one of the best novels of the 20th century.
Red River
What, you thought Brokeback Mountain was the first gay cowboy movie? Oh, no. No, it wasn’t. And that line about “a woman from anywhere” isn’t fooling anyone, either.
Twelfth Night
We touched on Shakespeare’s less highbrow side a while back, and there are plenty of dirty jokes hidden throughout his work. But we still struggle to stifle a giggle every time we see Malvolio study a letter written by his wife and proclaim, “This is my lady’s hand! These be her very C’s, her U’s and her T’s and thus makes she her great P’s.” Go on, read it out loud. We’re sure it went down a storm at the Globe, too.